Private clinic vs Polyclinic

Sorry if you're bored with all the baby and pregnancy posts lately. I'm coming to my 34 weeks now and to be frank, I'm a little bit freaking out about the baby arrival. I have a long checklist for things to prepare for baby arrival and my confinement and slowly ticking things off the list. But I still feel like I'm not fully ready yet.

We have our baby cot ready and her mattress will come in next week but we haven't even arrange the furniture in our room yet. Is there really a pantang where you're not allowed to move furniture around if you're expecting? My MIL told me this but I'm not subscribe to any pantang, so I'm not sure what to do.

Anyway, the most popular question that people been asking me aside from baby gender is who is my doctor? We first went to a private doctor to confirm the pregnancy and check up with him for a few times before I decided to change to my current one.

The reason being is that my previous doctor didn't give me a good vibe. Every time I went in to see him, he said the same things as if he's reading off script to every patients. Plus, he's not details enough about my check up. Normally we're done in less than 5 minutes. I'm carrying a live in me, I need that peace of mind that everything is okay and smooth, not the same scripts every time.

So we switched doctor and I'm glad we did. My new gynae gave me details explanation about everything that is going on in my pregnancy. She even took her time during scanning to show me baby progress, baby weight, show me her body parts and all. She makes me and my husband feel connected to our baby. On the plus side, she's very chill. She allowed me to eat and do whatever I want as long as it doesn't directly harm my baby and moderation is the key.

My favorite quote from her is "You're pregnant, not sick." So, I'll just do whatever makes me happy. She's the one that advised me to register myself at polyclinic.

So that's how I started to go to polyclinic too. I've heard lots of horror stories bashing polyclinic before. The most common one are how rude the nurses and how slow the service is.

I've set my appointment and came with open mind. I was shocked to see how full the clinic was at 8 am, the opening time. I guess I'm not the only kiasu one. Registration progress went well for me and all the nurses that attending to me are nice and friendly.

Maybe the facility in polyclinic is nothing if compared to private clinic but I think the nurses and staff are doing well in their job. My checkup normally took a hour and a half then I'm done for the day. Of course not everything is perfect because when I got my blood test done, the nurse had to withdraw my blood twice on both arms because she made a mistake during the first time. But she's very apologetic about it and it didn't hurt me much. So no big deal for me.

The reason that most people complained about how long it took for them for the check up is because they had no idea how the process go. I've seen many clueless expectant mothers and their company went in the wrong room, missing their numbers  and etc. The process at polyclinic can be quite confusing because each time to see the nurse you have to get a number, then move to another area for blood test and take another number to see the doctor. But once you get the hang of it, everything will be a breeze.

My only concern about polyclinic is the doctor. Each time I had different doctors attending me and so far, none of them are satisfactory. I know I'm not paying a single cent at polyclinic but I expect the medical advice to be good too. Once I went in to see a doctor and in less than 3 minutes she dismissed me without any consultation. I know the nurses had done a thorough check up but at least the doctor can elaborate more about anything because after all I'm a first time mother.

If you wish for scanning at polyclinic, you can forget about it. They do not do scanning for your baby, this is what the doctor told me when I asked for a scan to see baby development. So you will have no idea about your baby condition until you're reaching full term.

What if something alarming about the baby happens but the clinic didn't scan for you? I shudders at the thought of that. The only checkup that involving baby in polyclinic are they check for baby heart beat and your baby bump size.

And today the doctor at polyclinic Googled my problem in front me when I told her I'm starting to get numbness at my hands and legs. Her results of course is the same as what I Googled when I first experienced the numbness. But hello, you're trained medical staff, why are you Googling it like me too?

My confidence with the doctor totally flew out of the window.

Decluttering

I have been feeling anxious lately. Everything in my life are going on well despite few hiccups (nothing major) but I still feel unease as if I have a dateline that I need to meet soon. Looking back, I think what triggers this feeling is that we are expecting our firstborn soon. (Sorry I dropped the bombshell just like that). But all of my family and closest friends already knew about this from the start and we only officially announced it on social media last week. I was thinking of writing the pregnancy announcement here first but I realised I have way too many backlog posts to clear. This is what happened when I took the time off blogging and now all of my writing mojo are rushing back to me so fast that I couldn't cope up with.

I am on my 22 weeks now and in less than 20 weeks our baby will arrive. So far I have not doing any major preparation for the baby arrival. I mean I'm barely settling down with moving into my in law place. My belongings are scattered in my old room and my new bedroom. I have too much stuff and the other day I was thinking of doing some major decluttering with my belongings because I still have stuff that I've not worn more than years in my keeping. I mean, why would I still keep those? I have no idea.

My progress of decluttering so far, you ask? Well, I have started with my digital belongings. All of my photos are neatly arranged in my hard drive and properly labelled and I'm going to reformat my laptop. Deleting all the software that I no longer use eg: The Sims. I really enjoy the game but seriously I have real life to play now. So the virtual life of my Sims have to go.

Next on my lists are my wardrobe. This time I'm gonna be strict with myself. Anything that doesn't fit or haven't see the daylight in more than a year have to go. Anything that still in good condition, I will sell on my Carousell or give away to relatives. I think this is the hardest part because God know how many times have I tried to declutter/organise my wardrobe, I always failed. Maybe I will try the popular Konmari way and see whether it works for me.

I guess the point of my post today is that I want to try to live minimally, in term of my belongings. And also because storage space is a big problem for me. Our closet is full now but it only contains 1/3 of my clothes and I already dominated the shoe rack in my in laws place. 2 rows out of 5 rows are all my footwear.  

Actually one logical way to solve this problem is to get a place of our own. Trust me, I'm working on it but it is not easy to save up for a property now. One day, I will have a house for my own family. Finger cross that one day will be coming soon.

A story about a man

This is a real life story about a middle aged man. He came from poor family but he's very smart. From young, he was one of the top student in his class. However, due to financial restraint, he was unable to further his study to obtain tertiary education. But luck was on his side,  he got a job offer in government sector.

Life was hard back than. But he still managed to get by with the meager income. He met his wife when he was working in a rural area. They fell in love and got married. It was a simple marriage, they signed the wedding certificate and pronounced husband and wife.

The husband is the breadwinner while the wife stays at home to manage their household. Life was simple back them. Sometimes the man went out for a hunt to provide food on the table. The couple have 4 children, 3 girls and a boy.

After spending years in the rural area, they moved to the city. Life was still simple but they still can manage with just one income. The couple was prudent in their daily life, so that they can save enough money to buy a house to call their own. However, the kids never complained, they were too young to understand. Besides, all that they cared about was having fun. The kids played house with stick and dry leaves, jump of their imaginary lava from one couch to another.

After years of living frugally, they finally living their dreams. They bought their house and got a new car as well. From living in a rented shop house, they moved to a double storey terrace house. They thought they had made it in life. Little did they know, it was a beginning of the downfall.

Money is no longer an issue in their household. They took the kids out for dinner weekly. The wife has stopped cooking for her family. Everyday she would take away food from outside, they can afford luxury in life and buying more and more car, the wife wear lots of gold jewelries as her pride.

Life in the city definitely has changed the man. Money is all that he can think about. He wanted to get more money and fast money. One thing leads to another and he started to gamble. Lucky for him, luck was on his side. He enjoyed the thrills of winning money, taking thousands and thousand Ringgit home. This habit slowly building up and he spent his weekend gambling.

It was a big hit at first. Few years down the road, his luck ran out or rather he get greedy. He started to lose money but he being the egoistic man himself is not willing to accept that he is losing money. It was a few hundreds Ringgits and building up to thousands Ringgit,

But a gambler is a gambler. He resolved to taking loan from unauthorized person. This is where everything goes downhill for him. He is not willing to go back to his frugal day. He loves the money and the luxury. One day, he lost big time and desperate for money. He slowly building up his debts. At first, he managed to pay it all back.

Sadly old habit die hard. He keep on gambling with the hope to relive his glorious day. He gambled day and night and building up a huge amount of debt from loan shark. Things at home are no longer happy. His wife is oblivious to his habit. But the kids know. His kids are growing up and they no longer the innocent kids that once he can lied to. The loan sharks are unforgiving to their customers. He had to borrow money from people around him. Lots of excuses were thrown to relative to cover his gambling habit. He lied to them telling them that he needed the money to send his kids to university.

The life of a gambler is a cycle. He paid his debt but went back to gambling and again accumulating a huge sum of debts. This time he is desperate. He sold his luxury jewelries, sold one of his car and borrow money from relative again. Sadly, his mask fell off. Everyone knew about  his habit and refused to help him. His relationship with his kids are strained by money. He even forces them to give him their life saving. The kids are baffle, where is the father that they once know? The man that in front of them right now is possessed with money.

Helping a gambler by lending money to them is not helping them but actually further encourage them to gamble. He is a wise middle aged man, he know the consequences of his action and yet he chose to ignore it. Now everything is coming back to haunt him. Too bad he is all caught up in materialistic world that he forgot about his moral values. Now nobody can help him except himself.

What kind of legacy that he wants to leave behind is up to him. If he is not willing to change, the ending is not gonna be rainbow. People say man grow wiser as they age but sadly this is not the case here.

Do you know who is this man? Or does this story sound familiar to you?

Kuta Beach, Bali

When I chose to go to Bali, the beach is not the first thing that attracts me. I was more intrigued by the culture and temples and of course the fact that I'm going to explore Bali solo. I stayed at Kuta but only went to Kuta beach on the second day. 

Well, I did tried to go to the beach on my first day but I got lost. 

I tried again the next day and wished that I went a little further down on my first day because that's where the beach is. And it is so beautiful.

No kidding, it was blue sky white puffy cloud kinda of day. Match it with blue water and sandy beach, it is perfection in my dictionary.

I went in the mid morning and it is less crowded. 

I have read lots of negative reviews about Kuta Beach on Trip Advisor, so I came with no expectation. But I was blown away by the beauty of the nature. One of the review online stated that Kuta Beach is littered with human trash but I didn't notice it. Or maybe the area that I went to is less happening, therefore less trash.

The beach was filled with people sun bathing and relaxing. I rented an umbrella and lying there people watching and trying to soak in the beauty of the beach.

Unfortunately, my relaxing time was cut short by a group of touts. I just lied down less than 5 minutes and a group of middle aged women came to my umbrella offering me services and souvenirs.

I rejected them but oh God, they were so annoying. One lady offered me massage and went straight to touch my leg without my permission. Another lady offered me pedicure and started to clean my toe nails without my permission.

I kept saying "No" but nobody listened to me. The other two ladies were pushing their bracelets and t-shirts to my face and literally forcing me to buy them.

I felt sorry for them but the way they did their business really annoyed me. They are pushy and not taking no for an answer. I should have be stern and maybe scolded them but I was alone and there were 4 of them. 

In the end, I just gave in and negotiated a lower price with them.

The service that let me down the most is the massage. She said it was 30 minutes. But the most that she massaged me was 15 to 20 minutes. It was not even massage, she literally just touching my legs all over and kept telling me how fair I am. -______-

The pedicure was good because she really did a good job albeit overpriced. The Balinese flowers on my toes stayed for almost 4 months. No kidding, my toe thumbs still have it now.

Notice how I suddenly have an anklet on my leg? Yeah, I succumbed to the bracelet seller too. She sold this overpriced anklet to me for a freaking RM28!!

But at least they left me alone afterward and I had a short 10 minutes of peace before I need to rush back to my hotel for my tour.

Before I left the beach, the guy that rented me the umbrella asked if I wanted a surfing lesson. He offered me a reasonable price, it was less than RM60 for 2 hours. 

So, the next day I went to Kuta Beach early in the morning for my surfing lesson. I was debating whether to take up the offer or not the night before but I'm glad that I did because it was the most amazing experience ever.

Learning to surf is the highlight of my trip. 

First, my instructor gave me theory lesson on the dry land. Everything sound so easy on land. When we went into the water, it was a different story.

My first few tries were all failed. I stood up too soon, failed to catch the wave, lost my balance and got knocked by my surfboard a few times.

But the instructor was really patience (I forgot his name). We tried again and I managed to catch some good waves. That awesome feeling was so good. I felt like a pro surfer balancing myself on board and surfing along with the wave.

I wanted to surf for a bit longer but I was really tired and kinda worried about my belongings that I left with the instructor's friend. 

Achievement unlocked! I will definitely come back again just to surf because it is really worth it.

My instructor and I

Since I was alone, I really had my guard held high. Honestly, I had lots of worst case scenarios running in my mind when I took the surfing lesson. I doubted my instructor, thought that maybe he will take advantage of me. 

But he did not at all. We even had a good chat. He and his brother run their surfing business. Their business is small but an honest and good business.

So, if you happens to go to Kuta beach and want to try surfing, maybe you can give them a chance. They have no business signboard or even name but errr try to look for someone that looks like the picture above and be stern to other touts that try to sell you services and souvenir.

Back to back vomit sessions

My June started off a little bumpy as I contracted some sort of stomach flu or food poisoning. I came back from the kampung earlier than my family as I needed to start working the next day. I remember being hungry on the way from kampung because we were rushing and the bf only managed to tapao-ed kampua which I'm not fond of.

Naturally, I only took a few bites and left it. I was ecstatic for our dinner plan because we were going for sushi. My favorite!

Since I'm practically in hunger the whole day, I may be went a little over board with my sushi. 3 plates of egg sushi and 3 plates of salmon. That was more than enough for me. But I had two chawamushi too. Don't judge me okay, I was hungry. 

When the night came, that's when the real trouble come. I was feeling bloated and a bit sick when going to bed but ignored the feeling. Usually, I have no trouble going to sleep but that night was a nightmare. Literally. 

I tossed and turned, not sure whether I was dreaming or waking up. Everything was a blur and my body felt so tired but my mind was wide awake. Come to think of it, I think I was having dream inceptions. 

But the sick feeling I had earlier became stronger and that was when I couldn't hold it any longer. I ran to the toilet and threw all of my dinner out. I was relieved afterward and thought that was the end of it. It was 5.14 am that time, 2 more hours before I need to wake up for work.

At 7am, my alarm rang and as though my stomach hated being woken up, the nausea feeling was back, stronger this time and I barely made it to the toilet. I ermm splashed some vomit on the floor. This time my stomach was empty and it was bile. 

I was feeling tired and weak. There was no way I could make it to work that day. So I took a sick leave. Lucky I did because I vomited again 2 hours later. I felt horrible and in great discomfort.

What pissed me off was when I went to the doctor. I went to my usual clinic at Simon Yii and he barely checked me for more than 5 minutes. Gave me injection and some pills to stop vomit. 

But his jab didn't work because I vomited again at 12 noon.

Then I took my pill and napping the whole day and feeling better at night.

Thank God the vomit series has come to an end now but I'm still feeling bloated. Probably indigestion problem. Gonna buy some banana tomorrow.

Cambodia's Travel Tips

When people around me found out that I'm going for a trip to Cambodia, they shot me a worried look. Why Cambodia? It is a post war country, it is a third world country. Is it even safe? These are some of the questions being asked to me.

Well, honestly I had no idea what to expect prior to the trip. Just like any other trips that I had had, I was excited. I mean, it is a new country and surely will warrant me new experience, something that I had been thirsting for.

And yes it delivered. So here are some tips for you guys if you're planning to visit Cambodia in the future.

At the street of Phnom Penh

Tips No 1: Bring your own masks and sunscreen.

Because you will need it. My very first impression of Phnom Penh was the land is very very dry and humid and dusty too. From the plane when we were about to land, everything look yellowish. The grass, the land and even the buildings. And the weather is extremely hot, it is mostly around 35 degree Celsius. So sunscreen is your best friend, the higher the SPF, the better.

Since you will use tuk tuk to get around town, getting your own masks beforehand is better. Because you will need it the moment you left the airport. In Phnom Penh, it is as if there is no traffic rules on the road. Everyone is driving everywhere in every directions. Like seriously.

The roads are normally congested due to the chaos and they honk all the time. Don't be surprise when you reach your destination and wipe your face with tissue, the tissue turns black. This is true story guys.

This is how we looked like for our whole tuk tuk journey

Talking about tuk tuk, here is my tips no 2.

Tips No 2: Always always always discuss your tuk tuk price beforehand with your driver before getting on his tuk tuk 

This is very crucial because tuk tuk drivers earn their money through tourists. You are their money tree because I didn't see much local using tuk tuk. We almost got conned when we got back from Central Market. The tuk tuk driver agreed for 3 USD per ride. We got on his tuk tuk and suddenly his friend said it is 1USD per pax. We're 6 by the way. We threaten to get off so he maintained the original price.

When we reach our hotel which is just 10 minutes away, he asked for 1USD per pax. We got angry, gave him 3USD and ran off into the hotel afterward wtf.  Lucky he didn't chase us down.

Tips No 3: Never give money to beggars

This one is my personal opinion. We had beggars from children, senior citizen and disabled people approached us. They are very persistent, one old lady followed us for the whole street for money but we ignored her. I never agree with the act of asking money from strangers, be it using your kids or yourself.

The kids do not go to school and begging on the street with their mother.

Tips No 4: Same as tips no 2 but for massage. Settle on the price that you willing to pay before let them massage you.

We searched around our hotel area for cheap foot massage at night and found one that offered 4USD instead of 5USD. We agreed and walked in. Lied down on the mattress and waiting for our massage ladies. They came in and started the massage as usual without oil/cream.

Foot massage usually using oil and body massage is not. So we confirmed again with the ladies that we wanted foot massage and they said it is full body massage wtf. We argues and stressed "Foot Massage Only" They gave in but wanted to charge us 5USD.

Walao wei...at the counter we already said foot massage 4USD and they agreed. Now that we lied down already straight marked up to 5USD. They even show us menu so we had no choice but to carry on.

Turned out the massage was good. But they could have told us it is 5USD from the very beginning instead of making us feel like getting cheated.

Tips No 5: Must take care of your belonging especially during massage. 

During one of my massage in Siam Reap, my massage lady stole money from my bag pocket. I put some crumpled dollar notes in the front pocket so that I could pay anything easily. When I'm done massage and wanted to pay her, my money was gone wtf.

I suspected she did it when she massaged my back because she was behind me the whole time and my bag was right next to her.

In my 8 hours bus ride from Phnom Penh to Siam Reap

Tips No 6: Check your receipt. They tend to sneakily adding items and overcharged you.

This happened when we were having lunch in a cafe in Pub Street. We each ordered whatever we like and paid accordingly. But our money was short if compared to the receipt that the waitress shown us. So we thought someone must have count their food wrongly.

We checked with menu and nobody counted wrong.

Turned out, they added one coke in our receipt. We told them it was wrong. The waitress looked annoyed and unwillingly change the receipt.

They didn't even apologize wtf.

This is the cheater restaurant

The food was mediocre too.

The last tip is to check your food.

Yes, you should in fact check every cafes/restaurant/pubs that you walked in to whether the food is clean or not. Cambodians are not known for they hygiene. The kids even played barefoot on the road and peed there too.

We got a few surprise visits from cockroaches when we were in Temple Club. The cockroaches were crawling on our table wtf. We screamed and the waitress came and smacked it with the menu. And asked us to resume as if nothing happened wtf. And they overcharged us too ='= the price on the menu was different from what the waiter asked us to pay.

When we asked for receipt, he just walked away and ignored us. Rude much eh!


So these are some of my tips for Cambodia. Not all Cambodians are rude and ruthless. We did encountered some good ones but I'll say do keep an open mind when you visit Cambodia and put up your guard to the highest. I'm sure you will enjoy Cambodia like I did.

I can handle this

Are you sick of my Phnom Penh post yet? Fret not, I have a lot more to come hahahha. And I'm still talking about my second day there after 3 blog posts. It was definitely an eye opening experience for me and of course I have a lot to talk about. But I'll save that for another post. Right now, I just want a break from my travel post and just jot down how I currently feel like.

I don't know how to describe my feeling but it is negative. This whole week I have been feeling down for no reason or for the slightest things ever. It doesn't help either that there is a lot of complains in my work place. Surrounded by people complaining everyday drained my spirit and energy quicker than anything else.

I really hope the mood swing is just PMS. The timing is about right. But then I really hope it come faster because I will go on an exciting trip this month end. I am really looking forward for the break plus it will be my first solo trip and I have been planning this for over a year. At least there is something to look forward to.

Before I pack my suitcase and enjoy myself, I have a big work event this whole week. Everyone in the company are involved and the upper management people are coming down for this too. So, it is quite a stressful week ahead but it is okay. I can handle this.

Current wish

Throwback to 2 months ago when the bestie was back 

I have been trying to cook a lot back in Feb/March. The inspiration came in when I was bore one day, so I was on Youtube watching random videos and ended up watching some cooking channels. Everything they did on camera seem so easy. Add in a tiny bit of salt for taste they said. I added mine, it was tasteless. Add a little more and it was too salty ='=

My current favorite dish to cook. Aglio olio seafood. So easy and quick to make. The only downside with pasta dish is the pasta itself takes quite some time to cook. But I can whip this up less than 10 minutes if minus the pasta cooking time.

I tried making mash potatoes the other day and dare I say, it was sooooo good and super easy too. Same goes to my roast chicken and baked fish. If you notice I only love making western dish. It is because it is easy, quick and almost fool proof. The chinese dish and others are quite hard, at least for a beginner like me and time consuming. 

Went to celebrate Sara birthday at the new cafe, Horisen One Cafe last week. Hoe was performing there too. There are so many new cafes popping out in Sibu lately that I can't even keep up with. Horisen One is good but it was hot as it is open air, thus no aircond. Which leads to mosquitoes ='=

Food wise, the price is okay but there are still room for improvement in their food.

Our side profile are definitely our best side. lololol

Your roof, your rules

Dreaming of my next getaway - suzmellisa

I'm all packed and ready to fly off tomorrow night for a trip with my friends and afterward joining my sisters for a fun shopping trip, something that I'd been looking forward for a long time. Every girl needs a little retail therapy once in a while. Lie

Anyway, things are not quite good for me right now. Still feeling shocked and taken aback by a recent incident happening under my roof. People really surprises me sometimes.

No use keep thinking and crying over the spilled milk, so I'm just gonna leave it there. There are way more important things in life that I should focus on. At least I had learnt my lesson, you is the person that I vow to not turn into when I have my own family.

Hello 2015

As I was done writing the wrap up of my 2014, I started to outline my 2015 and frankly I'm quite excited about it. Although my 2015 plans do not differ much from the previous year, still I am very much anticipating it. This year I can no longer call myself as young adult, I'll be in my late 20's. Wtf that sounds so old. I've spent some times last year to evaluate myself and trying to change to be a better person.

1) Be a better me
This will be an on-going process for me as I believe I have a lot to work on like be patient, stop cursing when I'm driving, be punctual (trust me, I've tried but oh well) and eliminate toxic people around me. If I can't help it, I'll just distant myself away.

2) Practice healthy lifestyle
I really mean it this time and hopefully can maintain the habit. The best progress for me in 2014 is just 2 weeks. This time I won't aim too high, just clean eating and exercise once a week is good enough for a starter. The last time I hit the gym was back in October last year. New year new beginning, huh?

3) Travelling
I already had my travelling for this year lined up since last year and looking at it, I'm so thrill because I'll be going to new places. I'm slowly venturing into southeast Asia and looking forward to new experiences that those places will offer me. So far my travelling plans including Cambodia, Bali and Hong Kong.

4) Spend more time with my dog
Every time I came home knackered from work, all that I wanna do is just lying down and take a nap. Pino is always so excited to see me but I really have no energy to play or walk him. Most of the time, I just smooch him and let him out to do his business, he'll come back in once he's down. Recently I watched a viral video in Youtube and it breaks my heart to imagine Pino going through the same thing every time I go out. He always waiting for me by the door when I come back. So now I spend at 10 minutes a day walking him around the neighborhood and he loves it.

5) Practice gratitude
Be grateful and thankful for every little things in my life is something that I do not do as often as I wish. I took everything for granted before and learnt my lesson the hard way. The Universe decided to give me a second chance and I'm very thankful for that. Expressing my gratitude has help me to count my blessing as well.

So far my 2015 is off to a great start and I will try my best to practice what I preach here.

Stop complaining and be positive

I have been feeling very negative lately. I want to blame it on the hormone like every other girl does, but I know that is not the reason for all the negativity around me. Every morning I woke up feeling happy and ready to kick start my day even though it is Monday. But around 9am my oh-so-happy mood slowly depleting.

I believe in projecting positive energy and the Universe will attract positive energy to you. It's a simple set of karma. You feel good, you'll do good.

But why there are always people complaining and spreading the negativity around?
Come on, why pick on every little things to complain about? What for?
I know someone whom complain about every single things literally everyday.
I don't know what is her point? Maybe she will feel better after lifting those things in her chest?
If it is a big matter,then never mind.
But it is always the petty things like someone didn't use the recycle envelope, longer turn around time, someone park at their usual spot and the list goes on.

It is really depressing to hear someone yakking on and on about such a small issue and channeling all of her negative energy around and ruin others mood.

Arghhh...
Just be grateful for what you have and focus on the positive side, can or not?
I just want a peaceful environment to survive the 9-5 job every weekdays.

Alright, rant over.
Now I want to get back to my Desperate Housewife, I watched this series long time ago when it started and stopped at season 5 I think. I forgot how much I love watching these bitchy housewives.

Down the memory lane - University life

Just done helping my brother with his assisgnment and it brings me back to my university life. Gosh, I miss it so much. I miss going to lecture with my friends and passing snacks around, I miss doing assignment and preparing for presentation, I miss the cafe food (weird but yes), I miss going to bowling after class. But I do not miss the hot and long walk to my dorm, the tiny room and dirty toilets. 

I once asked the bf does he misses his uni life, his answer is not at all. Come on, I can't be the only one that miss university life. I was pretty active during my university, I joined Taekwando, visited lots of places with my coursemates, went for field trips. Man, most of my coursemates are married and popping babies now. So much has changed for the past 3 years. 

Being silly acting as tourist 

Lab is never bored with these people around me

Taekwando night training

Taekwando perfomance during colleage open day

Failed experiment

Picnic at Matang Family Park

Birthday surprises

Field trip stop at Sri Aman

Oil palm factory visit

Field trip by the beach

Worried over assignments and exams

Music festival

Taekwando camping trip at Kubah Ria

Training early in the morning

Graduated in 2011

I feel like time is moving too fast. As much as I like growing up but I need a breather to catch up with all the happenings in my life and people around me. Once again, the old me reminds the current me to be carefree and go with the flow. I can't help but being uptight with everything nowadays. 

Sometime it is good to walk down the memory lane and look back at you old self and see how much has you changed, be it in a good way or bad way. 

Becoming Becky Bloomwood

Something is utterly bothering me today when I did my monthly finance check. Yup, I did this every month to make sure I do not go overboard with my spending and yet I failed EVERY SINGLE MONTH!! And this month is the worst that I've ever had.

I've overspent my money. My non existing future money. There, I've said it.

I was super shocked when I check my credit card bill. I thought there is a mistake and did a double check and realized I did swiped my card for all those purchase. 

Who knows all those small purchases added up could burnt such a big hole in my pocket. Well, this is a super expensive lesson for the shopaholic me. I hate to admit this but no more nonsense shopping for me for at least two months and my cards are now tucked away in safe so that I won't use them anymore. Or at least until year end.

Now I know how Becky Bloomwood felt like when she received those letters from bank. I also understand how she felt like when she saw something in store that she wants to buy.

Sorry B-bag, it might take me another year to save to own you now. :(

**Post note: In case you misunderstood, I do not receive letter from bank. The letter in case is my credit card bill. 

Money is not everything

This has been the toughest week for me personally. I had a huge row with my parents regarding of money. Their complain, I do not give enough to cover their expenses. Little did they know, I barely have enough to cover for my own expenses. I only been working for 2 years plus and starting to have own commitments too, how much do they expect me to give them? On certain occasion when there is festival or emergency, I have never fail to chip in for them and lighten their burden. And I always give money for them every months since the first month I'd started working.

My own saving has been depleted to almost 0 due to so many unexpected occasions but  that doesn't mean I will stop living my life. Yes, I travel a lot. That's my passion. I booked my tickets sometimes a year ahead during promotion, I hand carried everything to save money, I stayed at budget hotel and use public transports most of the time. That's how I travel mostly. But I splurged on food admittedly.

Another complain that I've heard is I shopped a lot. I always been shopping a lot when I was young. I'd save all of my pocket money (RM10) per week to buy any thing I'd desired. Same goes for now. I bought stuff online only when I saw free shipping and discount/sale. I worked hard for my money and I deserve to spoil myself anyway that I wanted.

When I brought home heels my size, the response I got "Oh, so you money to shop hor" Fuck you. Whenever I see heel in my size, which is very rare with the possibility of 1%, you bet I grab those.
"You got money to travel hor" I rather starve myself than to not travel when I'm young. I don't want to live life the way you do.

I wish they know my struggle and I wish they learnt to live within their means.

What's on your mind?

At the beginning of the year, I've made a list of resolutions which included to write more in my blog. I know I I've failed this one without checking my archive. No time to write, nothing to write, not inspired to write. I guess all those are excuses.

The real reason for lack of updates is probably that more people that I know read my blog, I feel restricted to express myself because I'm scared of being judge.

Why she only post pictures of herself?

Again, another lovey dovey post of her and her bf?

Another seeker! Getting all emo also need to tell the whole world.

Those are just in my head of course, I have no idea what's going through their mind when they read my blog. Last few years I wrote freely because nobody know the existence of this space. I'm not saying that I don't like people read what I've wrote because the purpose of the blog is to share. It's just that feel different when people that I know read what I wrote here.

All the jumble thoughts in my head, they know. It becomes scary because I don't want them to know everything but at the same time, I need to express myself somewhere. A physical journey won't do it for me because I ehem need spelling check to spell some words. Yup, the convenience of spelling check here has finally takes its toll on my grammar sadly.

But after some thought, I've decided to be just myself, to write whatever I want, to rant, to whine, to be emo etc because after all, I'm only human that experience the up and low of life.

And this is the space where I want to document my life.

So, cheers to a new start (?) where I'll be writing more here.

Letting go

I rarely write about personal stuff especially when I'm at the bottom pit of my emotion well. I don't feel like talking to anybody because I don't want them to pity me. Writing is probably the way for me to channel all of this emotion else where because I don't think I can hold everything together anymore.

Right now, I really feel like I'm in a rut. A life rut, more like it. The same old routine everyday really wear me out. I remember I had the busiest week at work last month and so stressed out to make sure I'm on top of my game. I did rant to someone but I guess everyone is busy with life to stop and cheer other people up. I tried to control my tears but still I shed but nobody noticed because I wiped them away as fast as I could and put the brightest smile I could manage to cover it.

I thought I was okay. Up till 2 days ago, all of the emotions inside of me burst hence the mess that I'm facing right now. There's only so much that I could take and now I lost it all. I'm tired, really really tired. Where's the pause button in life when I need it so badly. I'm drained out of energy to hold a strong face anymore. I'm not okay, deep down I'm a mess. Too bad I keep everything to myself till the day I burst.

Maybe I'm selfish but there's a reason behind everything. Something triggers me, I hold it back, it continues and I went all out. I've been told I'm fat, selfish and always want to compare. It could be true, I have no excuse for such behaviors. But would it hurt if people take their time out to be there when I need them. It's the support that I need. I have always been independent but it's nice to have a backbone sometimes, to know that someone have my back when I need them, to not feel totally unwanted.

Lots of time this feel like primary school all over again where I'm a total outsider. It's hard to make a point to someone who is on a different page as you because they don't know anything about why you think a certain way.  In their eyes, I could be wrong, the unreasonable girl throwing fit when things not going her way. Let me tell you, what's matter the most to me might means nothing to you. We value different things. I go for quality, you go for quantity. In the end, we blame each other and nobody want to take a step back. That's when I realized we stand on a different page, going different way. I've been told I'm not grateful, am I really asking too much? Yes, I always push myself far forward because I know I can do better. I'm not a settler, I a reacher. I don't want to settle for less if I know I can better. In their perception, I'm not grateful and that is their reality and in their eyes I would be as wrong as I think they are in my eyes. I know all of my words are jumbled up and make no sense but I'm exhausted.

I need a break. To pick myself up, to let go.

Catching up

Normally around this time every year, I will talk about my birthday celebration. But not this year. Because my paternal grandmother passed away 3 days before my birthday and I was away at my kampung with my family for her funeral. And we're still in our mourning process. So I didn't get any celebration done. And that explain my late reply for the birthday wishes especially on Facebook.

Not trying a be a whiny brat but I'm so glad to be back at my own home now. Staying for a week in kampung is literally torturing me. If you've been reading my blog since 2009 (can't you believe I've have this blog for 5 years already?) you would have know that I hate my kampung. a) There's nothing that I can do there, no internet, no Astro. b) I hate kampung food and I always ended up with gastric c) no friends. Everyone around my age are mostly married with kids and I'm not on the same page with them.

It been a week since the passing of my grandma. We start to move on with our daily life. I'm not very close with my grandma once I'm growing up. When I was little, i enjoyed her company very much. She used to tell her grandchildren old folk tales as our bedtime stories. She would bring us with her to go fishing. Though it was pointless because with us around, she never catch anything. We're too loud and would swam there. In fact, she's the one that teach me to swim.

By throwing me into the river and left me flapping my way to the bank. Thanks Grandma. It still feel surreal that she's gone now.

Rest in peace, Inik.

We're going back again this Friday for the ending of the mourning process (ngetas ulit) and lots of my cousins will be there, so I foresee a great bonding weekend with them. Other than that, I'm picking myself up slowly to recover from my grandma passing, catching up with work and disappointment of the bf for forgetting my birthday (!).

But thank God for great friends, I still got lots of wishes and Miao and Sara took me out for an early birthday dinner and gave me great gifts that I absolutely love. And according to the bf, my birthday gift is included in my Christmas gift as well as my Valentine gift. ='=

Gifts from my girl friends

Reunited with my love

He seemed so happy when we picked him up when we're back. Poor little fella must have thought that we abandon him because he's been really clingy afterward. Lol

So many things to do, so little time

I have super mix feeling about how my days go by as for lately. It's not like I'm super busy but I feel so restless, feeling like rushing here and there everyday, for what I myself also been asking this question. Sometimes all I wanted to do is just curl up under my duvet with a good book and let the world goes by outside. But no such luck for me yet.

There are always something to do, something to attend. I've started to lose my sanity with all of these race and am now stuck in the rut.

The first thought that hit me when I open my eyes every morning is "Gosh, i wish i slept earlier last night". Every night when I'm done doing all the things that I wanted to do, the clock already half pass midnight. I went to bed tired and waking up even more tired.

As of late I finally put my words into action. I have been talking about getting back into getting fit and getting tone, so I finally stopped finding excuses and signing up for gym membership. The day after the first gym session was the cruelest. I think my muscle was in shock, it's been years since I feel that way. It was a good feeling tho.

By the way, I found a site that help people to print their Instagram pictures. Imagine how excited I was when I found out that they ship to Malaysia too with free shipping. I had a tough time selecting the pictures because I wanted to print they all. Those are happy memories for me. I already had some ideas to utilize the pictures for my room decor and have a slight itch to start doing scrapbook. I saw some gorgeous scrapbook and deco materials for it the other day at Popular and almost bought it all. But in the end, I didn't because I know it will be completely forgotten and chuck aside in my room later on.

#1 My printed Instagram pictures finally reach

First row from left to right: 1) Christmas dinner at my aunt house back in 2011. 2) When I was in Bangkok last year. 3) My fur lover waiting for his bath time 4) At Phuket with the bf last July 

Second row from left to right: 1) At Kuching with my family for my graduation in 2011, 2) Surprise birthday treat from my bestie this year 3) Karaoke session my bestie when Sara back from Bangkok 4) Lovey dovey with the bf at Patong last July.

Third row from left to right: 1) At Phuket with bf this year 2) Goofing around with my baby in 2011 3) Recent selfie 4) At Patong beach again.

I have my picture printed by Portagram. It was USD8 for a dozen but the down side is that it took almost a month to reach my door step :( 

#2 Good times

I bought two new novels last week and clearing out my book shelve only to realize I have so many new books to read. Again, I wish I have more time in a day. Maybe you can clearly notice my genre by looking at the book titles that I have. I used to love chick literature so much but when I enter my 20's, I find that the plots are somewhat repetitive. I'm going back to my scary and mystery phase and totally loving it.

#3 I bought at least 20 books this year

And good news is I got most of them on sale and almost free.

TGIF! I'm determine to make my weekend a productive one. I wanna do random shot, wash my car, rearrange my closet, getting my nails done with my bestie, fix my hair etc etc

This is random but I miss Danish.

Temporary babysitter

Hi you all!

How was your Malaysia Day long weekend?

Mine was exhausted.

It was spent being a temporary babysitter.

I think I am good at it, I mean Danish is pretty happy and active all the time.

Look!

He has the cutest smile ever

But don't let the look fool you.

He changed completely from the all-smiley kid to shrieking and kicking in just a split second when I refused to let him play with my camera.

But when I cuddled him, he stop crying and just looked at me with his innocent eyes.

It just melt my heart.

When I put him down again, the shrieking and kicking show continues.

Hmmmm

I don't think I'm ready for motherhood.