Clueless

Today will probably be the day I went to see the most lecturers outside class. All thanks to the Final Year Project. Technically, for the Plant students, the topics for the FYP haven't been released yet. Since others courses students already had their pick for the topic, this has sent we the Plant students into panic attack. I had running around the faculty all day and seeing abouts 6 lecturers just to get my topic. After our field trip to Sarawak Forestry Center last week, I was really intrigued by their tissue culture lab. Visiting their working area at least gives me some idea where will I end up in the future if I take tissue culture. Well, it seemed like I'm not the only one whom interested in this particular field. The competition is too tight and I have to start looking for others topic that interest me. At first, landscape sounds great to me. That's it until I met the lecturer and asked about the topic. It's totally differ from what I had in mind and this really frustrate me. Most of the lecturers are fully booked by others students. Well, when they say there's always light at the end of the tunnel, it's definitely true (unless if you're going through a cave, not a tunnel..hehehe). By the end of the day, I had found my supervisor for my FYP. The topic sound good to me.

Perhaps you can sense that I'm not that excited at all about my FYP. The problem is not the topic as my lecturer said I'm free to propose any topic that interest me. Well, that's the problem. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm clueless about my future. One thing that I always try to get away from is the 9-5 desk job and government department. Scratch that, I wouldn't mind the 9-5 desk job as long as it is something that excites me. Now, the greatest problem is to find what I like. Well, real life is hard. The job that pays the bill is not always the job that thrills you. Honestly, my head is a mess when I'm thinking about the future. During the younger day, the motto back then was study hard and go to university. Now that I'm in the university, what's next? Graduate and secure a job? further my study to master?  I am interested to do master but interest is not enough. I must work on my CGPA. I can't afford to flunk another subject anymore.

Seriously, the road ahead is totally in a blur. Should I just go with the flow? Is this field is really what I want? Will I regret this 20 years later if I go down this road? Why do life gets harder when you grow older? Haih, even rambling like this doesn't help me. I really admire those who know what they want to do with their life. They had their future plan long time ago and know probably halfway establish them. Maybe I shouldn't get too caught up in planning the future and forget to live in the present. But I can't help it. I feel so lost right now. For once I feel like I have no direction in life. I seriously need to talk to my dad. He always know what right for me, or at least give me the idea about career. This mid-20 crisis is suck.