Life at the moment

Have you ever feel so uninspired about life and wondering why are you here at this particular moment, doing what are you doing right now, while your heart and mind wandering off to the other side of the world.

That’s exactly how I feel right now. Trying to find the purpose of why am I doing what I did now.

Oh yeah, it is making ends meet.

If you ask me what I want for Christmas, I would say a holiday anywhere. Yes, I’m aware that I just got back from KL & Melaka last month, Bintulu two weeks ago and Kuching last week. But half the trip is about work or rushing here and there trying to make the most of my time there. In the end, I’m just exhausted.

What exactly I want is taking my sweet time exploring and experiencing life. I don’t want to rush by others, certainly not being led by others too.

I just want to sit by the pool with a good book in my hand,

Not thinking about anything else, not work, not deadlines, not plans.

Or I just waking up each morning without a rush, making breakfast for the loved one,

Cleaning my room, chucking away old clothes, dusting the books on the shelves.

Sometimes I think it’s the mid life crisis that depressed me.

I wanted to go everywhere, ticking off as much as I can in my bucket list

Just so that I won’t have regrets later on in life.

That’s literally means I need to work my ass off.

Stuck in the office desk from 8.30 to 5.30.

But when I have the money, I don’t have the time.

I already exhausted my leave for this year.

And only been away on real holiday twice, a week each.

It’s true what they said,

When you’re young, you have the time and energy but not the money

When you’re adult, you have the money and energy but not the time

When you’re old, you have the time and money but not the energy.

Life’s funny, isn’t it?

I wonder would my life been in a different path if I decided not take a gap year after my degree. I probably will not be this travel deprived. But then again, I was poor back then.

I should have saved up some money when I was still studying.

Just so that I can afford to travel more before starting work.

But I am in a good place in life now and should be grateful.

I have a good paying job and still can make time to travel.

The bf always reminds me that we decide how we want our day to be,

We’re in control of it.

He’s right.

I’m thankful and grateful for what I have now.

I’m in good health, have a job, deeply in love with a man that loves me back as much as I love him, have great family support albeit all the fights sometimes and greats friends that I can always count on.

Yes, I am thankful to God.

I’m sorry if you just spent 5 minutes of your life that you can’t claim back to read my incoherent words diarrhea.

Well, count your blessings, not your problem. J