It amazes me how my life can change in just a few seconds. It was just like any other normal day in my life. I stepped into the bathroom, cleansing and removing my make up then got under the shower. I did my normal routine, holding my hands up and check my boobs. To my horror, I found a small lump on my left breast. At first, I was like "Okay, no big deal. It is just a small lump. Nothing serious" But in my head, I was screaming "Oh my God, I'm going to die! This is it, this is how I will die"
Above scenario kept repeating itself after that. One minute I was comforting myself, the next minute I was freaking out. It didn't helped that my left boob were hurt a bit at night, I wasn't sure whether it was all in my mind or it really did hurt. The next day during lunch, I tried to be nonchalant and asked my mom about the whole family history of cancer. She told me that my maternal grandfather was died of spine cancer.
I was like "No way, I can't have breast cancer at this age. I'm too young for this!" The very next day, I went to Rejang Medical Center for checkup. Even the doctor was in shock when I told him I found a lump on my breast. He quickly asked me to lie down and scanned me. It was damn scary you know.
Turned out, I have lump on BOTH of my breast. The left one was slightly bigger, that's why I can feel it. Meanwhile the right one is small and deep in my breast tissue. You can see from the picture above, I'd marked the lump with red arrow. The doctor said it could be a fiber tumor, just my breast fiber clump together or something like it. He said it can't be serious but of course further check up was needed. I was given two choices, a) to leave it and see if it keeps growing or b) to remove it.
Of course I chose the latter. I want to get rid of the lump, once and for all. With no hesitation, I asked for an operation right away. I was scheduled for operation at 2pm. At that time, the scenes from Grey's Anatomy kept playing in my head. Scalpels, razors and scissors everywhere. But surprisingly, I was calm at that moment. I was scare of course, but the calm feeling overcome everything. It was as if I was ready for whatever that will come for me.
The operation room is like the normal doctor check up room. No fancy equipments. It was bright with soft music played in the background. You can even see the reflection of me lying on the operation bed in the TV.
I was covered with white blanket throughout the operation. You probably wonder why I still kept my phone with me even after I'm lying on the operation bed. It was a very chillax operation. I only put down my phone when the doctor gave me anethesia. The first jap wasn't really strong enough, I have to stop my doctor from cutting my flesh because I could feel the cold razor on my skin. He gave me another jap and the cutting process began.
Since I was fully awake through the whole process, we chatted. As awkward as it sound, we chatted about everything, my study, my work while he was cutting through my flesh on my breast. Once he tugged my skin a little too rough and I might have squealed a little, so he gave me another jab of anethesia.
I tried to tilt my head a little to get a good look at the part where he operate me. But I saw nothing, it was hard to tilt my head and the doctor took away my pillow ='= So, the only view that I ended up with is the bird thing in the picture above. The overall operation took about half an hour. Turned out, the tumour was filled with oil (I forgot what it called) but it was filled with liquid. The doctor poked it and it burst. The tumour was sent for further test and I haven't get the result till now.
Even after the operation, I still couldn't shake the thought of what the tumour might be. During my follow up with the doctor last week, he confirmed me that it is nothing serious. "I guarantee you it's not cancer!" is the best thing that one had ever said to me in my whole life.
So yeah, that's the story of my boobs. My post about death a while ago was triggered by this discovery. I haven't get myself checked when I was writing that post and I was really thought it will be the end of my life. I had a near death experience before, where I was almost hit by a bus during my late night date two months ago. We wanted to do a U-turn at Lanang bridge but refused to pay for toll and decided to drive against traffic. Silly us to play with our lives like that just to save RM6. It was the same feeling that I got. All I could think about was "This is how I'll die"
Only now it occurs to me how vulnerable we are. God can take away our lives any moment he wants. I'm grateful that I was save from the near-death experience and I have no serious health problem. But that doesn't means that I should take everything for granted. All these experiences had taught me to value life more. You could lost everything you have in just one second, so make sure you live your life with no regrets or at least with less regrets, knowing that we human has unlimited unnecessary wants and needs.
Till then, live your life to the fullest. :)
