I'd made up my mind.
It's time to move on.
Cheers for the new start.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why Inside Her Fortress?
My sister often asked me why I named my blog Inside Her Fortress, what the hell my blog's name means? I never actually answer her question, so I guess I owe her the explanation. So, here we go.
Since secondary school, I always wrote down my feeling or anything that I had in mind in my diary. Somehow I find it comforting to put those thoughts into words. As I grew up and too caught up with school and my social life, some where along the line, I kind of forgot the passion of writing anymore. Once when I was cleaning my room back in my hometown, I came across some diaries of mine since secondary school. Rereading what I wrote was fun, it brought back the memories. I realized the 13-years-old me cared a little too much about boys and being popular in school. It must be the teenage hormone. LOL.
When I flipped the diary to its last page, I found that the entry for 2007 is just a page with a good luck quote for myself. Same thing for 2008. During my first year in Unimas, I took a course named Creative Writing where I relived the day of my writing passion. We're encouraged to write whenever we can. So, I started jotting down in my diary again. I stopped writing with pen and book when I moved to my blog.
Since most of the stuffs I wrote are the unspoken thoughts of mine, by jotting it down here, I'm actually giving my readers the chance to go through my thoughts. I changed the name of my blog quite a few times before I settled with Inside Her Fortress. A very close friend of mine once said I'm actually building up a fortress around me to protect myself when it came to feeling and heart matters. Maybe I am. He said he'll guard my fortress well and will not allow any unworthy person to get into it so that I'll stay safe.
What I'd shared here basically are the contents of what I'd kept inside of me but of course not all of it. Unlike blog, I keep my diary private and nobody know what I wrote except maybe my mom ( I suspected she read my diary whenever she cleans my room) and my sisters (or sister). But with this blog, everything goes public. So, basically, I'm exposing what I have in the my fortress and giving you guys the chance to peek in. That's why it is Inside Her Fortress. Get it? Hehehe.
Since secondary school, I always wrote down my feeling or anything that I had in mind in my diary. Somehow I find it comforting to put those thoughts into words. As I grew up and too caught up with school and my social life, some where along the line, I kind of forgot the passion of writing anymore. Once when I was cleaning my room back in my hometown, I came across some diaries of mine since secondary school. Rereading what I wrote was fun, it brought back the memories. I realized the 13-years-old me cared a little too much about boys and being popular in school. It must be the teenage hormone. LOL.
When I flipped the diary to its last page, I found that the entry for 2007 is just a page with a good luck quote for myself. Same thing for 2008. During my first year in Unimas, I took a course named Creative Writing where I relived the day of my writing passion. We're encouraged to write whenever we can. So, I started jotting down in my diary again. I stopped writing with pen and book when I moved to my blog.
Since most of the stuffs I wrote are the unspoken thoughts of mine, by jotting it down here, I'm actually giving my readers the chance to go through my thoughts. I changed the name of my blog quite a few times before I settled with Inside Her Fortress. A very close friend of mine once said I'm actually building up a fortress around me to protect myself when it came to feeling and heart matters. Maybe I am. He said he'll guard my fortress well and will not allow any unworthy person to get into it so that I'll stay safe.
What I'd shared here basically are the contents of what I'd kept inside of me but of course not all of it. Unlike blog, I keep my diary private and nobody know what I wrote except maybe my mom ( I suspected she read my diary whenever she cleans my room) and my sisters (or sister). But with this blog, everything goes public. So, basically, I'm exposing what I have in the my fortress and giving you guys the chance to peek in. That's why it is Inside Her Fortress. Get it? Hehehe.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Snapshots everywhere
#1: The girls and I
#2: The Munyits
#3: Spotted lazy-ing in lobby
#4: The housemates
#5: While waiting in a shop
#6: Jom Heboh with unknown, Ally Iskandar, Amy, me and Angie
Pictures are arranged in no chronological order. Some are dated few months back and some are recently.
Monday, October 25, 2010
When the mind speaks
I don't get why people want to make such a small matter to be a huge ass issue just because we're coming from different background, different belief and different values. I understand if that's your belief and you stands by it but you should never shove your belief down my throat nor trying to justify mine.
I respect you for who you are, those differences never get in the way for all of us to get along. If you find people are alienating you, seriously there's something wrong with you, but I assure you those differences are not the reason. Because me and others get along well despite our different beliefs and background.
You know it's a sensitive issue and yet you're being ignorant or maybe you think what you're believe in is the right one and we all should bow to that. Well, sorry to say, you're just being selfish and showing us what a moron you are. This is a free world. Your kind may rule the country but you don't rule me.
There is no right and wrong in this matter because we believe in different values, it's totally two different paths. You stick to yours and I stick to mine. I never question yours, let alone judging yours. So you should never compare and condemn mine. Like I said, just because we live in the same country and I have to see your ugly face almost everyday, I don't have to kiss you ass and believe in what you believed.
Sorry, you have lost my respect. Yes, I admit that I never like you as in person because you're irresponsible as a student but it's nothing personal. Now, you'd shown me your ugliest side. That's it, you gain no respect at all from me. Not now not ever.
I respect you for who you are, those differences never get in the way for all of us to get along. If you find people are alienating you, seriously there's something wrong with you, but I assure you those differences are not the reason. Because me and others get along well despite our different beliefs and background.
You know it's a sensitive issue and yet you're being ignorant or maybe you think what you're believe in is the right one and we all should bow to that. Well, sorry to say, you're just being selfish and showing us what a moron you are. This is a free world. Your kind may rule the country but you don't rule me.
There is no right and wrong in this matter because we believe in different values, it's totally two different paths. You stick to yours and I stick to mine. I never question yours, let alone judging yours. So you should never compare and condemn mine. Like I said, just because we live in the same country and I have to see your ugly face almost everyday, I don't have to kiss you ass and believe in what you believed.
Sorry, you have lost my respect. Yes, I admit that I never like you as in person because you're irresponsible as a student but it's nothing personal. Now, you'd shown me your ugliest side. That's it, you gain no respect at all from me. Not now not ever.
Friday, October 22, 2010
A series of unfortunate events
A friend of mine introduced this movie to me a while ago but I only managed to get my hands on it lately. This movie is an adaptation from the book series entitled the same. I'd read a few pages of the books while browsing in MPH bookstore long time ago.
I'm absolutely in love with this movie. It's not your typical romance/action/thriller movie. It is about the adventure of 3 orphans after the dead of their parents in a fire and how they tried to escape from Count Olaf, the man whom try to get their inherited fortune. I shouldn't reveal it all here but if you fancy the dark comedy film, mystery and old century wardrobe which I absolutely adore, then this is your movie.
Sunny, Violet and Klaus Boudelaire
Among the Boudelaire kids, Sunny is definitely my favorite. I mean, how could you resists such a cute little infant? And Count Olaf, he's hilarious. The villains in every dark comedy movies always manage to get me goes aww and ooh. A thumbs up for this movie.
If you fancy dark comedy movie, try watching Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber in Fleet Street and Public Enemy, these are among my favorite. One disclaimer though, it has nothing to do with the fact that my Captain Jack Sparrow played the lead role in both movies. Okay, maybe a little because I don't think other actors can be as good as Johnny Depp.
Weather these days are so predictable, the sun shine in full blast in the morning and when evening came, thunder and lightning with heavy rain came along. It felt like summer in the morning and thunderstorm in the evening. I love the rain but it rain a little too much lately. Tomorrow I'll be going to Wind Cave in Bau and Gunung Gading in Lundu for my Ecotourism field trip and I hope the weather will be on my side.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
One off the list
After struggling whole night last night, finally I can tick one subject off my final exam list. But that doesn't mean I don't have to study for that subject anymore, I still have to because I'll be having my midterm test later. Yeah, final exam came first before midterm test for this subject due to some reason.
Have I ever mentioned that I'm a procrastination queen? I only had one class in the morning yesterday so I planned to start study in the afternoon. Well, I didn't start until later that night. I ended up sorting stuffs and files in my laptop, watched Chuck season 4, took a nap in the evening, another nap at night till my friend had to call me to wake me up.
Failed attempt to study
The culprits are the internet and laptop
Not that I have issue with October but in the month that full with beautiful dates such as 101010 and 20102010 I still feel like I'm being tie to a big roller-coaster that moves on random speed. One time when things are good and I'm still savoring it, something bad happened around me. The sudden dead of a fellow student in my university, a slight turbulence for my sister and so on. Life is so unpredictable these day, let's make everyday count and live to the fullest with no regrets.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Long week
I haven't update much lately. My bad, been busy juggling life. Let's see how I spent my day since I last update. Hmmm, I couldn't recall some of it. So, let's start with last 2 Fridays.
Friday (8 Oct 2010):
Submitted my Basic Finance assignment which drove me crazy. Went out with the mates for a window shopping which turned out to be a long shopping trip. Typical me, 2-3 hours of walking around mall doesn't count as window shopping. Normally, I spent almost half day scouring malls and went home empty handed.
Saturday (9 Oct 2010):
Can't really remember much but I think I was really close to dye my hair. Then I decided that I better save those money. I watched 6 Sense performed at Unimas Convocation concert with the mates. We were soaked in rain but it was fun though I didn't know 6 Sense. It's the company that count.
Sunday (10 Oct 2010):
Out for groceries shopping but I came home with a new tops and zero grocery. Then I took the girls to my aunt's place since my cousins were back and we had a little reunion dinner. Fully bloated that night.
Monday (11 Oct 2010) & Tuesday (12 0ct 2010)
Bad day, my phone broke down. For the first time ever. Damn it. Went for phone window shopping on Tuesday and found one that caught my eyes. But till today, I haven't had the time to buy it yet.
Wednesday (13 Oct 2010):
Went swimming with the mates. We already made the plan to swim since last week but something always got in the way. It was no exceptional that day. It was pouring rain cats and dogs when we were on our way but hell, we're so determine to swim that we waited by the pool till the rain stopped. At night, I bought cake for Abang's birthday. Since it's movie night, we watched The Hole which gave me quite a thrill.
Thursday (14 0ct 2010):
I can't remember what happened.
Friday (15 Oct 2010):
It was Victor's birthday and he seemed upset, so the mates and I met up with him for a simple dinner at 101. One thing led to another, we ended up at Ruai Bar. The birthday boy bought two rounds of beers and 2 bottles of tuak. For the first time ever, I thrown up and got wasted. Lucky I got a friend to drive for me. I skipped the 3rd bottle of Tuak and crashed on bed right after we got home.
Saturday (16 Oct 2010) & Sunday (17 Oct 2010):
Lucky I went all out on Friday because I had to wake up before everyone did for the sake of my Final Year Project. I spent the whole Saturday and Sunday in Mount Apeng, Serian measuring the trees in the friendship forest. My FYP sounds easy but the data-taking process really kills me. But I'm grateful that I had such a great supervisors. Mostly, they took the measurements for me.
If you wonder where had I gone for the past week, now you know what's I'm up to. FYP is starting to takes its toll on me and Final Exam is coming in 3 more weeks. Hell, I should start study now because one of my paper is being push forward on this Wednesday. Wish me luck people.
Friday (8 Oct 2010):
Submitted my Basic Finance assignment which drove me crazy. Went out with the mates for a window shopping which turned out to be a long shopping trip. Typical me, 2-3 hours of walking around mall doesn't count as window shopping. Normally, I spent almost half day scouring malls and went home empty handed.
Saturday (9 Oct 2010):
Can't really remember much but I think I was really close to dye my hair. Then I decided that I better save those money. I watched 6 Sense performed at Unimas Convocation concert with the mates. We were soaked in rain but it was fun though I didn't know 6 Sense. It's the company that count.
Sunday (10 Oct 2010):
Out for groceries shopping but I came home with a new tops and zero grocery. Then I took the girls to my aunt's place since my cousins were back and we had a little reunion dinner. Fully bloated that night.
Monday (11 Oct 2010) & Tuesday (12 0ct 2010)
Bad day, my phone broke down. For the first time ever. Damn it. Went for phone window shopping on Tuesday and found one that caught my eyes. But till today, I haven't had the time to buy it yet.
Wednesday (13 Oct 2010):
Went swimming with the mates. We already made the plan to swim since last week but something always got in the way. It was no exceptional that day. It was pouring rain cats and dogs when we were on our way but hell, we're so determine to swim that we waited by the pool till the rain stopped. At night, I bought cake for Abang's birthday. Since it's movie night, we watched The Hole which gave me quite a thrill.
Thursday (14 0ct 2010):
I can't remember what happened.
Friday (15 Oct 2010):
It was Victor's birthday and he seemed upset, so the mates and I met up with him for a simple dinner at 101. One thing led to another, we ended up at Ruai Bar. The birthday boy bought two rounds of beers and 2 bottles of tuak. For the first time ever, I thrown up and got wasted. Lucky I got a friend to drive for me. I skipped the 3rd bottle of Tuak and crashed on bed right after we got home.
Saturday (16 Oct 2010) & Sunday (17 Oct 2010):
Lucky I went all out on Friday because I had to wake up before everyone did for the sake of my Final Year Project. I spent the whole Saturday and Sunday in Mount Apeng, Serian measuring the trees in the friendship forest. My FYP sounds easy but the data-taking process really kills me. But I'm grateful that I had such a great supervisors. Mostly, they took the measurements for me.
If you wonder where had I gone for the past week, now you know what's I'm up to. FYP is starting to takes its toll on me and Final Exam is coming in 3 more weeks. Hell, I should start study now because one of my paper is being push forward on this Wednesday. Wish me luck people.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Be nice, be gentle
Dear October,
You gave me a great start, making me trying hard to keep the smile to myself. I should've know, nothing good last forever. Well, I learnt that in a hard way. As if I didn't learn anything the first time my heart was broken. Could it be why I don't really bother anymore. In just a matter of few days, I had been happy, ecstatic, taken aback, confuse, mad and hurt. Quite an emotional ride, if you ask me.
But the good part is, I'm doing good in managing my assignment and handling other stuffs. I did my assignment little by little before the dateline as I had experienced the pain of last minute work. Not a good pain, that's it. Final exam starts in 4 or 5 more weeks, and I like my exam timetable. Let's hope everything goes well, can you promise me at least that, Oktober?
Just be nice and gentle, I'm still in healing process. Have a little sympathy on me.
Love, S
You gave me a great start, making me trying hard to keep the smile to myself. I should've know, nothing good last forever. Well, I learnt that in a hard way. As if I didn't learn anything the first time my heart was broken. Could it be why I don't really bother anymore. In just a matter of few days, I had been happy, ecstatic, taken aback, confuse, mad and hurt. Quite an emotional ride, if you ask me.
But the good part is, I'm doing good in managing my assignment and handling other stuffs. I did my assignment little by little before the dateline as I had experienced the pain of last minute work. Not a good pain, that's it. Final exam starts in 4 or 5 more weeks, and I like my exam timetable. Let's hope everything goes well, can you promise me at least that, Oktober?
Just be nice and gentle, I'm still in healing process. Have a little sympathy on me.
Love, S
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Love is forever, so is infinity
Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they'll notice. If they don't, you know where you stand
Monday, October 4, 2010
Enlighten me please
You don't want it to be me and him but you don't want it to be us too. So, what will it be? You and me but never us.
I wish it's easy
Just because I'm here for you all the time, doesn't mean that you can take me for granted. I have feelings too, and hell sure it does involves you. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's hard. I was doing good in being just friend with you until you poured your feeling out on me and take it back afterward. You suggested we take things slowly, one step at a time to sort all things out and be clear. I agreed. 3 days later, you changed your mind and obviously your feeling too. This roller-coaster emotion ride is way too much but I don't know why I still can handle it and act like I'm fine. I can see through your mind, too bad you can't spot my fake smile. I wanted to say that you're selfish for putting us on hold but I'm a fool too for letting you do so. I wish it's easy.
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