Sorrow behind the smile

All this time, I always thought that I'm an independent person. Little that I realized, without the help from people around me, I won't be where I am today. There were days in my life when I looked around me late at night, a feeling of lost overwhelmed me. Tears started to roll down from my cheek and soon I found myself sobbing under my blanket like a baby. Those were the days when I missed the comfort of home.

Time really flies when you enjoyed it. It felt like yesterday that I just flown back from Kuching to my hometown and in another two weeks or 14 days or 336 hours, I will bid my family goodbye and continue my journey. 2 months time just flown like that. Damn it. Days by days passed without my realization or should I said that I had lived in denial. 24 hours a day is never enough for me. I need more time to be with my family, to enjoy the freedom of life before I tie down to my busy study schedule.

If I was asked what superhero ability that I wanted to have, my answer definitely would be the ability to turn back time. I'm happy for the way my life had turned out to be, the only reason I wanted to travel back in time is I wanted to do some things when I was given the chance. Looking back, I felt stupid to let time flies and let those opportunities slipped away from my palm. Why didn't I grab those chances and save this regret? It's no use crying over spill milk.

Maybe I should start planning for my future and treasure my past. But I can't seem to let go of the past. I wanna go back and do what I should do. I'll study harder for my final. I'll spend more time with him. Haih, what's the point of me wishing all this. I can't turn back the time no matter what. I should come out of my hidding space and face the world with my head held high.

Whatever happened, it happened for reasons. Right?

I'm still here

I know that I'm may not be a true blogger. That's why I was hesitating to start this blog in the first place, I know I won't update it as regular as possible. I have a rigid proof of what a lousy blogger I am. I have a diary which I kept since 2007. When I was looking through it few weeks ago, I only found one entry for 2008 which consists of my new year resolutions which was half written and no entry at all for 2009. But I determined to turn over a new leaf.*Claps for me.*

A little update about my life.

• I'm currently in my hometown, enjoying my holiday which will over soon. Soon as is in a few weeks.
• I had no accomplished any of my holiday plans. Haih....

• Sorry..I can't think of any other update.

Let's the picture speaks for itself.

I went for picnic last week..

It was super fun. Coz finally I have the opportunity to explore Song. I had been going back there once a year for 20 years but never had the chance to explore it.

here is the group photo.

Actually we went to 2 different spot for picnic. The first one was Selabi, a little waterfall. It was a spur of the moment decision to go there. And it where it all started. My first photo with him was taken that day. But I'm not gonna post it here, it's not the time yet. Everything is too soon to be surreal.

The next day, we went to another picnic spot called Muyun. Actually, it's not a waterfall. It's just a 'lubuk' where the rain water accumulated and formed a small stream. This time, almost the whole long house went with us. Besides picnic, I also learnt to catch prawn and small crab called 'geramak'. Yup, it has prawn and crab there. But, sorry no photo from that day. I was too busy having fun.

Although Gawai this year wasn't as happening due to the death of a distant relative, it still fun for me. Don't get me wrong, not that i'm happy because of the death. What i'm implying here is we still have fun in other way. So, Gawai this year has no celebration at all, just some traditional ritual.